Eliminate wordiness
- Cutting or shortening empty words and phrases
- Cutting redundancies & unnecessary repetition
- Reduce clauses to phrases, and phrases to single words
- Condense using participles
- Avoid pretentiousness
Cutting or shortening empty words and phrases
Empty words and phrases walk in place, gaining little or nothing in meaning. When you cut or shorten them, your writing will move faster.
Many empty phrases can be cut entirely:
all things considered
as far as I'm concerned
for all intents and purposes
for the most part
in a manner of speaking
in my opinion
last but not least
more or less
*As far as I am concerned, discrimination against women still exists in medicine for all intents and purposes.
Discrimination against women still exists in medicine.
*She made her decision after giving consideration to his report.
She decided after considering his report.*Each candidate should be evaluated on an individual basis.
Each candidate should be evaluated individually.
Other empty words and phrases can be significantly reduced:
Wordy Replace by at all times
at the present time
at this point in time
in today's society
in the nature of
for the purpose of
in order to
until such time as
for the reason that
due to the fact that
considering the fact that
notwithstanding the fact that
because of the fact that
by virtue of the fact that
despite the fact that
in the event that
by means of
in the final analysis
less clear as compared to ...
always
now
now
now
like
for
to
until
because
because
as
even though
because
because
although - even though
if
by
finally
less clear than
*At this point in time, the software is expensive due to the fact that it has no competition
The software is expensive now because it has no competition.
Cutting redundancies & unnecessary repetition
Many flabby sentences contain redundancies (words that repeat the same idea or whose meanings overlap). Consider the following examples:
*In this day and time, people expect to live at least seventy years. (day and time represent a similar idea)
*He repeated the same theory over again. (repeated means to say again, so there is no need for over again)
*Weight lifting improves the physical development of my body. (physical means relating to the body)
Some other common redundancies include:
- fell down
- climb up
- a true fact
- resulting effect
- group consensus
Alongside avoiding redundancies, you can significantly avoid wordiness by substituting words or word groups to avoid a repitition of exactly the same phrase.
*In addition to discussing the different meanings of a federal system, we will address the obstacles associated with a federal system.
In addition to discussing the different meanings of a federal system, we will address the obstacles associated with such a system.
Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single words
Modifiers -subordinate clauses, phrases, and single words- can be expanded or contracted depending on the emphasis you want to achieve. When editing your sentences, consider whether any modifiers can be reduced without loss of emphasis or clarity.
*The Channel tunnel, which runs between Britain and France, bores through a bed of solid chalk that is twenty-three miles across.
The Channel Tunnel between Britain and France bores through twenty-three miles of solid chalk.
Condense using participles
Sentences can often be condensed by the use of participle clauses:
the factors which were listed above
the approach that we have taken
when we answer such questions
the factors listed above
the approach taken
when answering such questions
- present or past participle clauses can be used after nouns (and clauses) as reduced relative clauses.
The first purpose was to test the assumptions underlying Harbord's theory. (= the assumptions that underlie ...)
This seems to be essential reading for anyone involved in this assessment. (= anyone who is involved in this assessment)
Note that participles can occur both before (preposed) and after (postposed) a noun phrase. Compare the following statements:
Natural laws describe observed phenomena.
The phenomena observed could not be accounted for.
According to Bolinger, preposition is associated with a concept that has permanence and that often takes on the form of a characteristic; the post-position is associated with temporariness and action. In the example above observed phenomena indeed refers to phenomena that somehow were observed in a whole series of previous experiments and that can be considered somewhat of a permanent truth. The phenomena observed, on the other hand, refers strictly to an observation that was made during the experiment that you as a researcher have carried out, and that has not yet acquired that same status of permanently accepted truth. Likewise, we could talk about a lost book but not about a found book, since loss is more or less permanent, but finding is not.
- participle clauses can also be similar to adverbial clauses, expressing reason, condition, cause, time, etc.
Taking this on board, chapter 2 analyses the current models of ... (= after we have taken this on board,)
Seen in these terms, the book may be judged a qualified success. (= if it is seen in these terms)
In such clauses, conjunctions and prepositions can be used.
... contributes significantly to sales when used independently.
Consequently, while acknowledging these difficulties, we can optimistically expect...
In following this argument, I will make use of ...
Dangling participles
Note that in order to avoid dangling participles the subject of an adverbial participle clause should be the same as the subject of the main clause!
* After administering the tests, the subjects were interviewed.
After the tests were administered, the subjects were interviewed.
Avoid pretentiousness
Another enemy of clear, concise prose is pretentiousness. Pompous, inflated language surrounds us, and because if often sounds learned or official, we may be tempted to use it when we want to impress others with our writing. To illustrate how confusing pretentious writing can be, here is a copy of a government memo announcing a blackout order, issued in 1942:
*Such preparations shall be made as will completely obscure all Federal buildings and non-Federal buildings occupied by the Federal government during an air raid for any period of time from visibility by reason of internal or external illumination.
President Franklin Roosevelt rewrote the order as it appears below in plain English, clarifying its message and reducing the number of words by half:
Tell them that in buildings where they have to keep the work going to put something across the windows.
By translating the obscure original memo into easily understandable language, Roosevelt demonstrated that a natural prose style can get necessary information to the reader more quickly and efficiently than bureaucratic jargon.